An Incredible Life Loved and Lost

Clayton Bathurst 1921-2021

We all lost loved ones in the last year, whether from natural causes, Coronavirus, or other pandemic-related illness such as isolation. 2020 was a year we never expected and it brought surprises, twists and turns no one could have anticipated. We at Doctor’s Choice empathize with you and understand that many of us are feeling the impacts of 2020 while trying to stay positive for 2021.  

This post isn’t supposed to be sad or depressing, but rather a way for us to connect with you on a human level, share an experience and let you know that being human is the best you can be. Doctor’s Choice is a company that helps people get the best care and coverage they can so that they can live their remaining years with freedom and dignity. Having lost a loved one during the pandemic, I understand why our business is so essential and want to provide lessons that might help you and your loved ones in the future. 

My grandfather passed away on Monday January 6th, 2021 making it into his 100th year of life. Born in Pensacola Florida, Clayton Bathurst truly lived, traveling the world, falling in love, building a family, and remembering the exact date and day of the week of every story he told even at 99 years old. I had the pleasure of reconnecting with my grandfather after returning from the Peace Corps in March of 2018. At that point he was living in a senior living community where he was still incredibly independent, as he’s always been. Moving to Western Massachusetts five years after the passing of his beloved wife to Parkinson’s Disease, he finally released himself from their New Jersey home and moved to be closer to his youngest son. Clayton liked his new community, he had his own room to maintain the loner self and independence (and I wonder where I got it from) and joined his friends for dinners, games and discussions about current events. Once a week my Dad would take him out for dinner, a walk , shopping, whatever he requested to get out of the “house.” 

When the Pandemic hit, everything changed. 

Once it started warming up outside, we could visit grandpa outside with masks, six feet apart, shouting on the days that he decided he didn’t want to wear his hearing aids. I brought him chocolates when his appetite was decreasing since that was all he would eat (I got my sweet tooth from him too) and he would ask me how I was doing with my readjustment to America after being in Africa for two years. You see, he understood what it was like as he served in the Navy and was stationed all over the world. He specifically remembers Morocco, Egypt and Italy. I saw pictures of him riding camels with Sikhs, standing in front of the Pyramids and dining with beautiful women. We spoke about how he tried business school in Rhode Island at Bryant College (at the time) and how he decided there was more in the world than a classroom so he enlisted. I am the only one in my family to ever live abroad besides Grandpa Clayton. My favorite story is how he met my grandmother Lilian in Italy on a surprise double date. After agreeing to a trip to the North of Italy with a woman he fancied in the office, Clayton understood he was being set up on a double date. When their mutual friend left them, Clayton, took Lilian to the theater and then to dance on the top of a castle, missing his train home and well, falling in love. When it came time for him to return to the United States, he and Lilian had fallen so deeply in love that he just had to ask her to come back with him.  

After the summer passed, and it became too cold to socialize outside, I didn’t have a chance to see my grandpa again. I found out from my Dad that his health was starting to decline, he had frequent hospital visits, chronic pain and wasn’t eating. We couldn’t call him because he didn’t want to wear his hearing aids and the letters weren’t cutting it anymore. Clayton, who remembered events to the exact date and day of the week, suddenly lost track of time and found himself living in a different reality. The isolation and lack of social interaction really took its toll as this once social butterfly was isolated, in pain and withdrawn. Within weeks he passed away. 

There’s lessons to be learned, and unfortunately we only realized it when it was too late. My Dad handled his healthcare and trusted that as a Federal employee and veteran, my Grandfather’s health insurance was as good as it could get. We failed to explore supplemental insurance options that could have funded better quality of life options as his health declined. Worried about cost and overwhelmed with choices, my Dad did the best he could to address the legal issues, but one person can only handle so much. If my grandpa was enrolled with a company like Doctor’s Choice, we could have rest assured knowing that he was getting the best quality of care he could and made a better end-of-life plan without worrying about cost.  

My other lesson learned is about isolation. It is real and it does act as a catalyst in worsening health conditions. Our emotional health is inextricably tied to our physical health. Science and healthcare is starting to take this as fact, but many of us know it to be true. To reduce the effects of isolation, I came up with an idea of getting Clayton an Ipad or tablet that would allow us to video call him. Even if he didn’t want to wear his hearing aids, he could have seen our face and felt less alone, listened to my stories or simply just closed his eyes as I read. We could have pushed for his nurses to arrange a video calling schedule so that we could have at least seen him before he passed. 

We all have “should have” moments when someone passes away. We think back to how we could have done things differently and how that might have changed the course of events. The reality is that Clayton was 99 years old, in his 100th year on the planet and his quality of life was declining. The pandemic and isolation forced it all to happen faster. Looking back is helpful only if we can learn from the past, and in this case I share my story to help you in the future. 

Take time to appreciate your elders, loved ones, and family members despite the barriers of the pandemic. Figure out creative solutions like video calls, window visits, or reading to your loved one over the phone. If your loved one has a caregiver, arrange for the caregiver to facilitate a video call on a routine basis. And above all else, give yourself the gift of knowing that your loved one is getting the best care possible by consulting Doctor’s Choice. If their insurance is the best it can be, you can find ways to make the care management work for them. 

-This article was written by Hailey Bathurst on our marketing team. After her grandfather’s passing, she wanted to share this experience for the greater good of others. We also think that many of you might have similar experiences or stories.